How long does it take before you unconsciously muffle yourself? When you stop noticing things around you like colors, crazy people and sick children. They say sometimes only 5 weeks, then you begin to stop being an observer and you just start living. I somehow convinced myself to write for about 5 months here. then at some certain stage you prefer to do ANYTHING but think about yourself. Think about your reasons for being here.

I began stretching every morning a little over a month ago. I take small solace in knowing that my lower lumbar muscles are being taken care of, that I’m able to add a small routine to my day. But there’s this profound fear that I’m becoming stupid. That my lack of creativity, my lack of production in writing and otherwise is rendering me one big figurative fat cell.

How do I wake myself up to begin writing again? Maybe I should approach it as stretching. Things I don’t notice anymore. I don’t romanticize my life. In fact everything has become disturbingly comfortable in comparison to the beginning. Then it was an adventure, and I could thumb my nose at all of those over-consuming assholes from the UN. Now I’m not one of them, but I feel lacking a sense of purpose. But if the poor me of November could here the me of now complaining about having more than enough in the bank and 7 months at UN Agency…

I am truly boring. Need to find interesting people/things to do.


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